Hello, Info and rhetorical Questions

Hey all,
Sorry I haven’t had a chance to write to you all once again been really buzy…I am goin on leave for a while next week so I wont be able to write from about the 5th to the 9th of Aug but I promise I shall write on the 10th. Had a lovely weekend saw my gran, watched movies, did shopping, paid accounts, ate out, read, listened to music and got my hair streaked and trimmed. I have got some jokes for you don’t worry…

Joke:Clever Lady
A very attractive lady goes up to the bar. She gestures alluringly >to The bartender who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she > > Seductively signals that he should bring his face closer to hers When he does, she begins to gently caress his full beard. "Are > > You the manager?" she asks softly caressing his face with both >hands. "Actually, I'm not," says the man. > > "Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him," she says, > > Running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair. > > "I'm afraid I can't," breathes the bartender. "Is there anything > > I can do?" > > "Yes, there is. I need you to give him a message," she continues, > > Running her forefinger across the bartender's lips and slyly > > Popping a couple of her fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck and Nip at them gently. "What should I tell him?" the bartender manages to say around her > > Delicate fingers sliding in and out of his mouth. > > "Tell him," She whispers, "there's no toilet paper, hand soap or Paper towels in the ladies room".

Joke: Senile
No one believes seniors . . . everyone thinks they are senile. An Elderly couple were celebrating their sixtieth anniversary. The couple had married as childhood sweethearts and had moved back to their old neighborhood after they retired. Holding hands they walked back to their old school. It was not locked, so they entered, and found the old desk they'd shared, where Andy had carved "I love you, Sally." On their way back home, a bag of money fell out of an armored car, practically landing at their feet. Sally quickly picked it up, but not sure what to do with it, they took it home. There, she counted the money--fifty-thousand dollars. Andy said, "We've got to give it back." Sally said, "Finders keepers." She put the money back in the bag and hid it in their attic. The next day, two FBI men were canvassing the neighborhood looking for the money, and knock on the door. "Pardon me, but did either of you find a bag that fell out of an armored car yesterday?" Sally said, "No." Andy said, "She's lying. She hid it up in the attic." Sally said, "Don't believe him, he's getting senile." The agents turn to Andy and began to question him. One says: "Tell us the story from the beginning." Andy said, "Well, when Sally and I were walking home from school yesterday . . " The first FBI guy turns to his partner and says, "We're outta here."

Joke: Classified Ads
FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER. 8 years old. Hateful little dog. BitesFREE PUPPIES: 1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog.FREE PUPPIES... Part German Shepherd, part stupid dogFREE GERMAN SHEPHERD 85 lbs. Neutered. Speaks German.FOUND DIRTY WHITE DOG. Looks like a rat ... been out a while better be areward.COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED.. Also 1 gay bull for sale.NORDIC TRACK $300 Hardly used, call ChubbyGEORGIA PEACHES, California grown - 89 cents lb. JOINING NUDIST COLONY! Must sell washer and dryer $300WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE. WORN ONCE BY MISTAKE. Call Stephanie.FOR SALE BY OWNER: Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. 45 volumes.Excellent condition. $1,000 or best offer. No longer needed, got married lastmonth. Wife knows everything.
Prayer
May the Lord open up the windows of heaven and pour you a blessing that you will not have room enough to receive it all. May the Lord bless you exceedingly and abundantly, above all you could ever hope for. May the Lord bless you that you may walk in a financial overflow for the rest of your days in the Name of Jesus. Amen !

>Info: Think a litre of petrol is expensive?
>> This makes one think, and also puts things in perspective.
>> Compared to Petrol......
>> Diet Coke 100ml R2.80 = R28.00 per litre
>> Lipton Ice Tea 200ml R3.50 = R17.50 per litre
>> Energade 250ml R3.00 = R12.00 per litre
>> Brake Fluid 100ml R6.00 = R60.00 per litre
>> Vick's Nasal Spray 50ml R9.00 = R180.00 per litre
>> And this is the REAL KICKER...
>> Evian water 500ml R15.00 = R30.00! R30.00 for WATER!
>> So, the next time you're at the pump, be glad your car doesn't run
on
>> water, Coke, or God forbid, Vick's Nasal Spray!!!
>> Just a little humour to help ease the pain of your next trip to the
> pump...

Info: 1-21
ONE. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.
TWO. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.
THREE. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.
FOUR. When you say, "I love you," mean it.
FIVE. When you say, "I'm sorry," look the person in the eye.
SIX. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.
SEVEN. Believe in love at first sight.
EIGHT. Never laugh at anyone's dream. People who don't have dreams don't have much.
NINE. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.
TEN.. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.
ELEVEN. Don't judge people by their relatives.
TWELVE. Talk slowly but think quickly.
THIRTEEN. When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, "Why do you want to know?"
FOURTEEN. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
FIFTEEN. Say "bless you" when you hear someone sneeze.
SIXTEEN. When you lose, don't lose the lesson
SEVENTEEN. Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; and responsibility for all your actions.
EIGHTEEN. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
NiNETEEN. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
TWENTY. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your Voice.
TWENTY-ONE. Spend some time alone.

Why Questions:Rhetorical Questions
Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the
batteries are flat?
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Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know
there is not enough?
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Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion
stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
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Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?
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Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?
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Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
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Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you
throw a revolver at him?
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Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
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Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?
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What is the speed of darkness?
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Are there especially reserved parking spaces for "normal" people at?
The Special Olympics?
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If you send someone 'Styrofoam', how do you pack it?
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If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice
As cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?
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If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
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If it's true that we are here to help others, what are the others doing here?
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Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer?
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Why do doctors, when they ask you to strip, leave the room or close
the cubicle curtain while you change? ...... They're still going to see
you naked anyway.
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If someone with a split personality threatens to commit suicide, is
it a hostage situation?
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Can you cry under water?
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What level of importance must a person have, before they are
considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
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If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?
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Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
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How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would
be a good idea to put wheels on bigger suitcases ?
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Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby"
when babies wake up, like, every two hours?
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If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
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Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in
binoculars to look at things on the ground?

Well hope u enjoyed those Don’t worry Friday will be here just as quick as the weekend passed us by.
Gotta go
Ciao
Silver
:P