Info, Jokes and it's thursday!!!

Hi all,

Info: Physical Laws
Law of Mechanical Repair:
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.
Law of the Workshop:
Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
Law of the Telephone:
When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged tone.
Law of the Alibi:
If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the Next morning you will have a flat tire.
Variation Law:
If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now.
Bath Theorem:
When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.
Law of Close Encounters:
The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
Law of the Result:
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.
Law of Biomechanics:
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
Theatre Rule:
At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.
Law of Coffee:
As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold

Joke : Men
How many men does it take to open a beer?None. It should be opened when she brings it.------------------------------------------------------------------- Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.-------------------------------------------------------------------- Why do women have smaller feet than men?It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allowsthem to stand closer to the kitchen sink.-------------------------------------------------------------------How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?When she starts a sentence with "A man once told me..."------------------------------------------------------------------- How do you fix a woman's watch?You don't. There is a clock on the oven.------------------------------------------------------------------- Why do men fart more than women?Because women can't shut up long enough tobuild up the required pressure.------------------------------------------------------------------- If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.------------------------------------------------------------------- What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?A woman who won't do what she's told.------------------------------------------------------------------- I married a Miss Right.I just didn't know her first name was Always.------------------------------------------------------------------- Scientists have discovered a food that diminishesa woman's sex drive by 90%.It's called a Wedding Cake.------------------------------------------------------------------- Why do men die before their wives?They want to.------------------------------------------------------------------- Women will never be equal to men until they canwalk down the street with a bald head and a beergut, and still think they are sexy.-------------------------------------------------------------------In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.Then God created Man and rested.Then God created Woman.Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.

Joke: Ah Women
A typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after thewedding, he laid down the following rules:1). "I'll be home when I want, if I want and at the time I want andI don't expect any hassle from you. 2). I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell youthat I won't be home for dinner.3). I'll go hunting, fishing, drinking and card-playing when I wantwith my buddies and don't you ever complain about it."Those are my rules. Any comments?"His new bride replied, "No, that's all just fine with me. But pleaseunderstand that there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night......... whether you're here or not."************************************Marriage (Part II)Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40thwedding anniversary!The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstonethat reads:"Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever ""Yeah?" she replies. "When you die, I'm getting you a headstonethat reads:"Here Lies My Husband Stiff At Last"*****************************Marriage (Part III)Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfasttable.Husband gets up in a rage and says, "And you are no good in bedeither," and storms out of the house.After sometime, he realizes he was nasty and decides to make amendsand rings her up. She comes to the phone after many rings, and theirritated husband says, "what took you so long to answer the phone?"She says, "I was in bed.""In bed this early, doing what?""Getting a second opinion!"******************************************Marriage (Part IV)A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is soproud of himself, that he starts calling his wife, "Mother ofSix" in spite of her objections.One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it's time to gohome and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well.He shouts at the top of his voice, "Shall we go home 'Mother of Six?'His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion, shoutsback, "Anytime you're ready, Father of Four."**************************************Marriage (Part V) The Silent TreatmentA man and his wife were having some problems at home and weregiving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realizedthat the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AMfor an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first tobreak the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,"Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it.The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM andhe had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."

Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.God may have created man before woman, but there is always arough draft before the masterpiece.

Joke: The elephant and the camel
An elephant asks a camel: " why are your breasts on your back ?" " Well " says the camel ,
" I think it is a strange question from somebody who's dick is on his face"

Bye
Silver
:P