Hello, Jokes, books!!

Hey People
Hope u all are well?
weather her is pretty much confused as per usual hot than cold than hot…..oh, and don’t forget the wind.
I am reading “The Setup” by Paul Erdman, I have only read like 10 pages but it sounds very good. I would suppose they would be like Michael Ridpath’s books intense and interesting and you neva know what gonna happen in the end. Anyway im having prawns and chips for supper tonight hoping they will be devine but im sure they will be!!!
Here some jokes for you: enjoy!!!

How business is done: Conversation between Baboo & his son.> Baboo: I want you to marry a girl of my choice> Son : "I will choose my own bride!"> Baboo: "But the girl is Bill Gates's daughter."> Son : "Well, in that case...ok"> Next Baboo approaches Bill Gates.> Baboo: "I have a husband for your daughter."> Bill Gates: "But my daughter is too young to marry!"> Baboo: "But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank."> Bill Gates: "Ah, in that case...ok"> Finally Baboo goes to see the president of the World Bank.
Baboo: "I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president."> President: "But I already have more vice- presidents than I need!"
Baboo: "But this young man is Bill Gates's son-in-law." President: "Ah, in that case...ok" This is how business is done!!
*****************************************************************
Other Jokes: Be Careful What You Promise

>A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be
>confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.
>Good morning," said the young man. "If I could take a couple of minutes
>of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in
>high-powered vacuum cleaners."
>"Go away!" said the old lady. "I haven't got any money! I'M BROKE!!!"
>And she proceeded to close the door. Quick as a flash, the young man
>wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open. "Don't be too
>hasty!" He said. "Not until you have at least seen my demonstration."
>And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway
>carpet.
>"If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure
>from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder."
>The old lady stepped back and said, "Well I hope you've got a pretty
>good appetite, because they cut off my electricity this morning."
***************************************************************************
Random Acts of Lunacy:A man who shovelled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had takenthe space.Understandably, he shot her

After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driverfound that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting fromHarare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, thedriver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a freeride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital,telling the staffthat the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies.Thedeception wasn't discovered for 3 days. Damn I like that one...
An American teenager was in the hospital yesterday recovering fromserious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.
A mother took her daughter to the doctor and asked him to give her anexamination to determine the cause of her daughter's swollen abdomen.It only took the doctor about 2 seconds to say, "Your daughter ispregnant."The mother turned red with fury and she argued with the doctor thather daughter was a good girl and would never compromise her reputation byhaving sex with a boy. The doctor faced the window and silently watched thehorizon. The mother became enraged and screamed, "Quit looking out thewindow! Aren't you paying attention to me?" "Yes, of course I ampaying attention ma'am. It's just that the last time this happened, a starappeared in the East, and three wise men came. And I was hoping that they would show up again.
When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at its intended victimduring a hold-up in Long Beach, California, would be robber James Elliot didsomething that can only inspire wonder: He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.
The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat-cutting machineand, after a little hopping around, submitted a claim to his insurancecompany. The company, suspecting negligence, sent out one of its men tohave a look for himself. He tried the machine out and lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved.
A passenger in a taxi tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask himsomething. The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit abus, drove up over the curb, and stopped just inches from a large plateglass window. For a few moments everything was silent in the cab,then thedriver said, Please, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me."The passenger, who was also frightened, apologised and said he didn'trealise that a tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much, to which thedriver replied: "I'm sorry, it's really not your fault at all. Today is myfirst day driving a cab. I have been driving a hearse for the last 25 years.

What do u call : origin of afrikaner surnames (SA JOKES)

1. a doctor that does circumcisions............Dr. P.P. Snyman

2. an Afrikaaner Gynaecologist...................Dr.Koekemoer

3. an Afrikaner who doesn't go to church............Van NieKerk

4. an Afrikaner who failed June exams..............Viljoen

5. an Afrikaner that trips and falls in the mountains.........Van
der Berg

6. The Afrikaner that votes in EVERY election ......WOUTER

7. The Afrikaner that drives the loud Datsun Stanza........BASSon

8. The Afrikaner that is very well endowed ........De LANGE

9. A Male Afrikaner that prefers other male species...... De KOCK

10. The Afrikaner thats always high.......POTgieter .

Actual comments from US travel agents:

I had someone ask for an aisle seat so that their hair wouldn't get
messed up by being near the window.

A client called in inquiring about a package to Hawaii. After going over
all the cost info, she asked, "Would it be cheaper to fly to California
and then take the train to Hawaii?"

I got a call from a woman who wanted to go to Capetown. I started to
explain the length of the flight and the passport information when she
interrupted me with "I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but
Capetown is in Massachusetts. Without trying to make her look like the
stupid one, I calmly explained, "Cape Cod is in Massachusetts, Capetown
is in Africa." Her response ....click.

A man called, furious about a Florida package we did. I asked what was
wrong with the vacation in Orlando. He said he was expecting an
ocean-view room.
tried to explain that is not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of
the state. He replied, "Don't lie to me. I looked on the map and Florida
is a very thin state."

I got a call from a man who asked, "Is it possible to see England from
Canada?" I said, "No." He said, "But they look so close on the map."

Another man called and asked if he could rent a car in Dallas. When I
pulled up the reservation, I noticed he had a 1-hour layover in Dallas.
When I asked him why he wanted to rent a car, he said, "I heard Dallas
was a big airport, and I need a car to drive between the gates to save
time."

A nice lady just called. She needed to know how it was possible that her
flight from Detroit left at 8:20 am and got into Chicago at 8:33am. I
tried to explain that Michigan was an hour ahead of Illinois, but she
could not understand the concept of time zones. Finally I told her the
plane went very fast, and she bought that!

A woman called and asked, 'Do airlines put your physical description on
your bag so they know whose luggage belongs to who?' I said, 'No, why do
you ask?' She replied, 'Well, when I checked in with the airline, they
put a tag on my luggage that said FAT, and I'm overweight. Is there any
connection?'
After putting her on hold for a minute while I looked into it (I was
actually laughing) I came back and explained the city code for Fresno is
FAT, and that the airline was just putting a destination tag on her
luggage.

I just got off the phone with a man who asked, 'How do I know which
plane to get on?' I asked him what exactly he meant, to which he
replied, 'I was told my flight number is 823, but none of these darn
planes have numbers on them.'

A woman called and said, "I need to fly to Pepsi-Cola on one of those
computer planes." I asked if she meant to fly to Pensacola on a commuter
plane. She said, "Yeah, whatever."

A businessman called and had a question about the documents he needed in
order to fly to China. After a lengthy discussion about passports, I
reminded him he needed a visa. "Oh no I don't, I've been to China many
times and never had to have one of those." I double-checked and sure
enough, his stay required a visa. When I told him this he said, "Look,
I've been to China four times and every time they have accepted my
American Express."

A woman called to make reservations; "I want to go from Chicago to
Hippopotamus, New York." The agent was at a loss for words. Finally,
the agent said, "Are you sure that's the name of the town?" "Yes, what
flights do you have?" replied the customer. After some searching, the
agent came back with, "I'm sorry, ma'am, I've looked up every airport
code in the country and can't find a Hippopotamus anywhere." The
customer retorted, "Oh don't be silly. Everyone knows where it is. Check
your map!" The agent scoured a map of the state of New York and finally
offered, "You don't mean Buffalo, do you?"
"Yeah, that's it! I knew it was a big animal!"

well I hope u enjoyed these and your day!!!
Chat more tomorrow!!
Ciao
Silver:P